Little to Do.

well time sure does fly. already we're in our last month of classes and yesterday was actually a month from Christmas so it's more like 3 weeks till I'm home, 22 days. (I swear, I'm not really keeping track).
I have found myself becoming angry at. . . myself, the culture around me, homework, etc. Mostly just today though. I understand most things just fine, but for those of you who know my problems with the English language can probably imagine that they are indeed cross-lingual. I find that my Grammar is horrible, my ability to write in Spanish is, well, should be advanced and isn´t. I can get my point across but I still have SO many problems. It´s not that I don´t understand the use of the verb tenses, it´s not that I don´t remember how to conjugate the irregulars, it´s that I can´t speak it or write it. I wish we had weekly papers here, even if they were just short essays so that I could write more. But I don´t. I wish I had Spanish friends to talk to and hang out with, but that´s something a bit beyond my reach at the moment. Making friends with people you know you´ll probably never see ever again is not something normal Spainards do. There are a few though, and it seems I´m out of that loop.
I find myself looking forward to coming home so that I don´t have to think about Spanish, so that I don´t have to do anything more in Spanish. That´s kinda a bad thing considering it´s my major. One time, so long ago, I would have said that I could live overseas, that I could and would live in Europe. Well, I lied. I don´t like Europe all that much, or maybe it´s just the Spanish culture I don´t like. YOu know, I never did like Spanish in high school.
Don´t get me wrong, my experience here has been great, the people are nice (the ones I talk to at least). I have learned a lot about myself, about the world, about the Spanish language, but all of it just seems trivial and easy. I don´t feel challenged, I feel frustrated. And it´s supposed to be that by this time, that after 3 months of living in the culture, I should be great, I should be comfortable, I should be sailing through the grammar. But I´m Not living in the culture. I´m living with americans (and a crazy woman), I´m friends with americans, I hang out with americans I have no real reason to speak spanish outside of class because I have limited interaction with people outside of the school. That is, aside from the elderly. They´ve become my friends. The ancianos at the convent, they love me because I can sing and because I´m pretty. there´s not one night that I go there that I don´t get called "guapa" 50 million times. But they´re all over 80.
anyway, ignore my ranting. I´m coming home soon, I am trying to learn as much spanish as possible, and I´m just frustrated today. It´s not entirely normal for me.