End of the Overseas Experience

So I'm done, and my plane has landed. I'm in Chicago waiting now to travel the final leg to Nebraska. It doesn't seem like anything. I don't know how to say it feels because just 24 hours ago I was in Spain. A place that, though it seems cold, is only 45 degrees F. at the coldest, generally. And now, I'm in Chicago where it's like 10 degrees and my fingers could freeze off at any second.
I believe the hardest thing in coming back, in leaving the group is knowing that I'm back to that being alone. To that not being a part of a group that knows you. I'm going back to Lincoln where I have family and a few friends, but it's not like the 30 people I just spent the last 4 months of my life with.
It's this knowledge that I have to return to what should be normal and I don't know if I can do that. I don't want things to be normal again I want life to be something more. I need to expect something more. From myself, from my friends. I want more that the mid-west. I want more that the undergrad experience.
I need to know that this life is more than just individual days that fly by. Because they aren't individual days, time never stops. but we do. we take time out, we stop our lives.

Tuesday the Last

I've finished all my finals, I've started packing my bag. Phone is turned in and now I'm just waiting. All we can do now is wait for about 35 hours until the plane leaves. I envy the people who get to leave now.
Well, we have a goodbye party to get to.
Give me a call when I get home ok?!

The Near to Final Stretch

9 Days left.
I'm coming down to the final part of the semester. I wanted to do something special within the last few weeks, but there's not time. I have tests and papers and things to do. I don't have time for special things. The fact that we're now under the 10 day mark is impressive. it came quickly and I know that in no time at all I'll be at home with family in the cold snow and ice of the midwest.
I almost don't want to come home, just because coming home means going back to normal, going back to the old places that I miss but now kinda resent for being there to pull me back to reality. Spain isn't reality, Spain is Life outside of normality.
I don't know if that explains anything to you. If that makes any sense. But here the only responsibility I have is class. But the responsibilities I have at home are Life. It's living, it's confronting reality. Going back to a place where I haven't changed in the minds of my friends. Going back to a place that has changed but not in my mind. Back to work, back to school, back to a country that's cold at the moment, back to the reality of the economy and politics. BACK. Time to dive in. but at the moment I'm still trying to catch my breath.
I am looking forward to coming back to a warm house and bed, to a car. Back to a family that loves me and friends I miss desperately. Back to assigning my own meal portions and exercising. I really miss exercising. Back to my viola! (I'm pretty excited about that, but I couldn't think about it much this semester because I've missed it too much. I couldn't constantly remind myself that I was missing that part of my being). Back to Tennis. Back to the english speaking masses. Back to church communities. BACK. I feel like I'm ready for that.
This week.
Today is a holiday, everything's closed, like saturday. There was actually this awesome kinda like farmer's market at the Alcazar this past Saturday, but it wasn't farmer's products it was nun's products. Tasty things like cakes and cookies and marzipan and jams and jellies and things to that effect. All natural without preservatives (o and by the way, don't say preservativos in Spanish if you mean the things that keep food from going bad, that's converantes, the other one is the thing that prevents babies from being born. . . Think about it. I didn't). So I got a few Christmas goodies to share with the family (those of you in my family will just have to wait and see what I got and those of you who aren't in my family can ask if you really care to know) Sunday everything was open which is very unusual and I did a ton of walking in a direction I've never gone before, Toward the Betis stadium. there was a game going on yesterday and it was interesting to see all the people and stuff on the streets. Tomorrow I have classes again. just 3 days this week though. Then we have another long weekend to study for our test next monday and tuesday (I also have a test this thursday). Then we have no school next wednesday and then early next thursday (it's strange that I can already say "next thursday") I'll be on a plane, flying home. Missing Spain, and Eager to be home. My plane will be getting in at 2pm central time in Chicago. I'll be back in NE by the weekend. Just two weeks and I'll be back home. then the next week is Christmas. Today, the 9th, Christmas is just 16 days away. from Right now.

Sevillanas, Sangria, y Salsa

This week has been an interesting week. Full of highs and lows; good times, good food, and good friends. Thanksgiving has been a treat here, not necessarily because the food was authentic American Thanksgiving food (though it did come very close, the pumpkin pie was a bit sketchy though, no crust and closer to flan than pumpkin pie), but because it meant a 3 day week and more time to go out and stay out. First of all we went out Wednesday night to a place called the Carbonaria. If one didn't know where they were going they would never have found it because it's just this random door in a wall that looks like it should be someone's house. But you go through the doors and there's seems like there's not enough space, and that the group of 15 of us who came together wouldn't fit. But go back a little further and there's a room that opens up into a higher balcon type sitting area and then an area closer to the stage that's all on the main floor. The seats are wooden benches that look a good 25-30 years old and the tables are like picnic tables. The techo is metal framing and aluminum sheets. I'm pretty sure it opens up during the summer. or it doesn't and it just looks like that. in any case, it was packed with people waiting for Flamenco. I haven't really gotten much Flamenco in my stay here, I'm not in the class to learn how to dance it, but we have occasionally watched "Se Llama Copla" with my señora. (Copla is the kind of song they sing with Flamenco). So I kind of understand the idea, it's a story, and emotional story in song form; influenced by middle eastern style of music with it's tonality and style. The guitar is amazing, if ever you have time look up some Flamenco music and see what I'm talking about. You think Classical guitar is intense, you do not know Flamenco. The hands and feet are instruments along with the guitar, not to keep beat, but to add to the rhythm. So there's a guitarist, a singer telling the story, and a dancer. They're intense, and the woman that night was incredibly talented. It's like tap, but so much more than tap, you have the movimiento de the arms, and the intense look in the face, proud, melencholoy, but hidden joy for the love of the dance. (I hope you can all see this woman in your minds, a dark woman, nearly black hair, tanned skin, dark eyes, not skinny, not fat, dressed in a black shirt and skirt with flowing moviemento at the bottom: white trimmed ruffles that just slightly flair out and move as she spins). You can't look away from her, and you hope she doesn't catch you watching her dance.
They had other people come up as well. Not just the intense dark woman, but people from the audience to dance Sevillanas, which is dancing Flamenco in pairs, circling, moving the arms with the typical flaring of the hands. They were good dancers but they didn't have the same level of foot work as the professional woman.
The night ended too quickly. The Flamenco group played 3 sets and were done by 12:30. Some of our group left early and by 12:30 there were only 6 of 7 of us left to chill and talk or listen to of of the guys in our group play the piano that was in the non-smoking section of the bar. It was a good time, and by around 1:45 we started to make our way home through the Barrio Santa Cruz, kinda getting lost, but not really. by 2:20ish we were at home and in bed, waiting for Thanksgiving Day.

Obviously Thanksgiving Day has come and gone, it was a blast, but it's didn't start out that Amazing. Don't get me wrong, Roman ruins are pretty cool, and they are definitely something you can see or find in the States, but we've seen so many ruins of so many things it's kinda old news now. It was pretty cool to see the 3rd largest Colloseum of the Ancient Roman Empire (it could seat 25k people, don't ask me what the second one is, I have no clue, clearly y'all know the 1st). Anyway, we were supposed to see a video about the ruins before heading to the actual site. But the night before, at around 6 or so, there was an acident near the school. You see, they've been working on the Metro in the space infront of the school, digging out underground for something, I don't entirely know how it works, but they screwed up. There are several Kiosks near the school between the building where the school is and the Puerta de Jerez which is where there's a big fountain and the Ave. de la Constitution. Beside those Kiosks, there's road that I cross nearly daily when I go to get coffee or wander or whatever. Unfortunately, there was a collapse and the road caved in pulling the kiosk into it, like quick-sand pulls down it's prey (I saw the hole as I was headed to the Carbonaria later that night but it was entirely closed off). This caused some problems with the electricity, internet, and phone connections. So there was no movie in the morning because there was no electricity to watch the movie. In any case, we got a run down of the information we missed when we got to the site at around 11. (thanks to the lack of electricity I got to sleep in an extra hour and a half Thursday morming).
We wandered through the ruins, seeing various things that were pretty awesome like the intelegent design of the sewer system and the colloseum. by 1:30 we were home. My señora had her neice and a friend over from Huelva for lunch, that was really interesting and kinda goes back to my last post on my frustration. Because I don't have regular in-depth contact with the people in the city I can't speak as well, or understand them when they speak quickly. and these girls discovered this. They're about my age and were pretty nice and it was a good change from the normal. it was also nice because I didn't have to stuff my face with food because Salud was busy making sure the other girls were eating. the rest of the afternoon was spent doing nothing, resting, watching movies, getting ready for dinner. We dressed up for dinner, Dani in a black summer dress, and me in boots, tights, a skirt and tank top. It's pretty cold out here and the idea of wearing a skirt and no tights was not appealing. at 8, amigo invisible ( secret santa) gifts in hand, we headed to a little Cuban restaurant that's in the same building as the school. the room was really quaint, all the walls were white and there was a big print of salsa dancers on the wall. I sat at a long table with all girls, one guy, and a family that had come to visit their daughter. (there were about 16 of us at this table). First they brought out little plates of fried egg-plant with some sort of bbq/sweet sauce. despues de un rato they brought out plate of vegetables: green beans and corn. Every table of 4 had it's own plate like that, but then we individually had plates of turkey, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, and stuffing (though so many people say it's the best stuffing they've ever had I have to disagree, it was different from any stuffing I've ever had and I will not call it authentic stuffing. Though it was delicious with it's cripy bottom crust and taste of buttery bread, I cannot place it in the category of stuffing, it was much too similar to a caserol). For desert they did the plate per 4 people thing again. There was carrot cake, and pumpkin flan/cake. It was all incredibly tasty, though it was dissimilar to any Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had. I can say that by the end of the meal I was contentedly full. After the plates were cleared away we recieved our secret santa gift, mine was earings. I gave Chirstmas ornaments and a Santa hat (which my amigo invisible loved). My roommate had one of our professors who had been asking us if we could get him one of those light up reighndear that we have in our yards in the States. They don't have them here because they really don't have yards to decorate. So my roommate improvised. She got this rabbit looking thing that was coated in red glitter and had antlers on its head (I'm pretty sure it was suppose to be a reighndear). then she rapped a cord of blinky lights around it. Without the lights plugged in she got this response from our Señora, ¡Ay, Nena! ¡Qué Feo! (how horribly ugly). With the lights enchufado it was, ¡Ay, Nena! ¡Qué Gracioso! (how funny or charming). I do have to agree, it was decently ugly until you plugged it in. In any case, our profe. got a kick out it.
After all of this we pushed back the tables and started dancing. First Sevillanas, all of our profes. could dance and a few of the students in the flamenco class too. then we started in on the Salsa. It was Great! I haven't danced salsa in a Very long time. Unfortunately, we were kinda short on men. (5 to 40) so us girls just danced by ourselves, gotta say, I prefer dancing with someone. . .
By about 12:30 or 1 all the profes had left and quiet a few of the students as well so there were about 10 or 11 of us left dancing and having fun. But there's only so much fun you can have dancing salsa when you have no partner. So, we, that is 3 guys and about 8 girls, decided to go to a club that was about a 10 minute walk down the street: Budha. it's been a very long time since i've been out to a club. I'm talking, I was still wearing my summer heals and skirts and a tank top, no need for a jacket at 12:30, long time ago. The place was Packed! and they were playing some good music, some not so great music. We were there until about 4:20ish. It was incredibly hot, as you can imagine, a decent sized room on the top floor of the building, with a disco-ball, and a lot of foreign students, dancing, talking, dancing. Of course there were some drunk creepers, but they're unavoidable. Even in the streets. It doesn't seem to matter where you are at the hour of around 3am, as long as you are outside your house you will run into someone on the street who has been drinking.
Anyway, All in all, I had a BLAST! one of the Best Thankgivings that I've ever spent away from family and I'm glad I got to experience it here. I think it helps that it doesn't feel like yesterday was Thanksgiving too. the atmosphere is different. I do miss my family and friends, but there's always Christmas. there's alwasy the future somewhere there. It's not like I'm never going home, I'm going home in 3 weeks. And I'll be glad to be home. But I've discovered some of the best things about this place:
Puchero - a lentil soup with carrots, whole onions, and whole green peppers that aren't spicy. eaten with warm crispy bread. it's delicious and for sure one of my favorite dishes. The lentils aren't cooked with water but with olive oil. and it reminds me of my mom's lentil soup which I miss.
Walking - I love to walk in the morning, and even though it's cold now, I enjoy the 25 minutes I have to just get to school. the sun has been coming up earlier now as the seasons progress and as we hit the Triana bridge (the one built by the same guy who built the Eifel tower and the one that's in so many pictures of Sevilla) we have used to have a sunrise and a skyline that would glow, a redish sky behind the outline of the Giralda and the Torre de Oro. I do miss the sunrise, by the time we get to the bridge now the sun is already up. (thank you day light savings).
of course there are other things that I really do like about here. The varied scenery - Drive an hour outside sevilla and you have placed like Ronda. (which I didn't really write about but there wasn't much to say, it was a quaint little town with gorgeous vistas and the first bull-fighting ring in España) Look at the pictures, they tell you more about the town than I could. Other things too, that aren't coming to mind right now, but they're there.
now it's 2:30 in the afternoon, Friday. I woke up at 12 after a great and restful 7 hours of sleep. And I should be doing homework, like I told my señora I would be doing but have been writing this instead. My roommate has been off gettin her hair cut, and she just got back. Dinner will be servered soon and then Siesta, which I will not be sleeping through. (who sleeps till 12 than again at 3:30? I could do it, but today that would be wasteful, not useful).

Little to Do.

well time sure does fly. already we're in our last month of classes and yesterday was actually a month from Christmas so it's more like 3 weeks till I'm home, 22 days. (I swear, I'm not really keeping track).
I have found myself becoming angry at. . . myself, the culture around me, homework, etc. Mostly just today though. I understand most things just fine, but for those of you who know my problems with the English language can probably imagine that they are indeed cross-lingual. I find that my Grammar is horrible, my ability to write in Spanish is, well, should be advanced and isn´t. I can get my point across but I still have SO many problems. It´s not that I don´t understand the use of the verb tenses, it´s not that I don´t remember how to conjugate the irregulars, it´s that I can´t speak it or write it. I wish we had weekly papers here, even if they were just short essays so that I could write more. But I don´t. I wish I had Spanish friends to talk to and hang out with, but that´s something a bit beyond my reach at the moment. Making friends with people you know you´ll probably never see ever again is not something normal Spainards do. There are a few though, and it seems I´m out of that loop.
I find myself looking forward to coming home so that I don´t have to think about Spanish, so that I don´t have to do anything more in Spanish. That´s kinda a bad thing considering it´s my major. One time, so long ago, I would have said that I could live overseas, that I could and would live in Europe. Well, I lied. I don´t like Europe all that much, or maybe it´s just the Spanish culture I don´t like. YOu know, I never did like Spanish in high school.
Don´t get me wrong, my experience here has been great, the people are nice (the ones I talk to at least). I have learned a lot about myself, about the world, about the Spanish language, but all of it just seems trivial and easy. I don´t feel challenged, I feel frustrated. And it´s supposed to be that by this time, that after 3 months of living in the culture, I should be great, I should be comfortable, I should be sailing through the grammar. But I´m Not living in the culture. I´m living with americans (and a crazy woman), I´m friends with americans, I hang out with americans I have no real reason to speak spanish outside of class because I have limited interaction with people outside of the school. That is, aside from the elderly. They´ve become my friends. The ancianos at the convent, they love me because I can sing and because I´m pretty. there´s not one night that I go there that I don´t get called "guapa" 50 million times. But they´re all over 80.
anyway, ignore my ranting. I´m coming home soon, I am trying to learn as much spanish as possible, and I´m just frustrated today. It´s not entirely normal for me.

November 16, 2008 Sunday.

There's not a whole lot to talk about concerning my life at the moment (funny, I say there's nothing going on but pretty much am writing a book here). It is just like any other student (even though I'm in Spain) I'm studying almost non-stop because I have tests this week. 3, two on Tuesday and I think one of Wednesday but I wouldn't put it past them to have all three on Tuesday. We've had a long weekend this weekend (as we will have pretty much until the end of the semester) so Friday was actually spent out of the house. We met up at around 11 or 12 at the school and from there we (and by we I mean Cyndi, Kristen, Mari-Sol, and Renee) , we went to the Alcazar (pronounced Alcathar). We got in for free because we're students. It was pretty cool (view pictures). I believe it was built by one of the Spanish Kings in the Muslim style of architecture, incorporating things like gardens with flowing fountains and mocarabe encrusted arcs, etc. It's pretty cool although I really wish I could get to La Alhambra in Granada which is supposed to be magnificent (I have seen fotos and it is indeed amazing). I went home for lunch at 2 and around 5 I met my friend Cyndi at a bar to study grammar. That's pretty much all we did Friday. We didn't go out later that night, we actually watched Robin Hood (the disney version and a gift from my boyfriend. . . Thanks!). Saturday I met Cyndi again at around 11 to go to the Gypsy market on the other side of Triana (the neighborhood where I live, the main commercial center of Sevilla and the school is on one side of the river and the students pretty much, aside from two girls, live in Triana or Los Remedios). I hadn't been to the market before so it was interesting although I went with no intention of buying anything. It was insane, there were about 3 or 4 rows of stalls that went back forever. We never made it to the end. Cyndi bought 2 kilo of grapes for 3 euro but most of the time we just wandered around. The stalls had everything from fresh produce to jewelry and underwear to shoes and shirts and socks; accessories like purses and wallets, belts. Anything you could need at a great price. It was like one huge Chino store. Cyndi and I met up again at the same bar to study again at around 4:30. Unfortunately it became really crowded and noisy by 6 or there about, so we left to find somewhere more accommodating. What we found were the streets filled with people only to discover that one of the traditional processions of the area was happening at that same moment. Normally during Semana Santa every church has a procession with their own Immaculate Mary and they march through the streets. This was something like that but it wasn't a Mary, it was Jesus with his cross which explains the insanity. Unfortunately we didn't stick around too long to see much. We headed over to a café we had yet to try, VIPS, only to discover that the café we could get in any other place for one euro was almost two there. So the girls decided to go to McDonalds to study, they at least have tables. I decided to go home and study. I have spent today entirely studying, plus a bit of reading.
I should speak of the weather here in Sevilla. Before I left for Italy we still had warm days and it wasn't just in the sun but in the shadows too. But when we got back there was a chill in the air. We've entered into what their winter's are here. And it wouldn't be so bad, in fact outside is absolutely gorgeous. The trees are all still green, flowers are still blooming, we haven't had rain even though the forecasters keep predicting it. If there were not wind I would say it's absolutely perfect. But there is a cold wind that requires a jacket and a scarf, nights generally require a coat or heavy jacket. But it's the inside that's absolutely miserable. The houses are created to pull out all the heat in the house; 8 or 9 months out of the year it's a great system, but during the winter, during these months of cold, they're like an ice box. I wear more layers inside than I do outside. We have a little "estufe" heater that we plug in but it doesn't heat the floors. Moreover we try to conserve electricity so we don't plug it in all the time. Today is a good example of this. I have been in my room covered by my blankets studying today. Around 1 or so I went to sit on the patio to read and enjoy the sun, and as I was sitting there in the sun I was warm, even though the patio doesn't have window. But the sun gradually left me and moved behind a tree so I retreated back to my blankets and enshrouding jacket for warmth.
I suppose I should tell y'all what happened with my birthday last week. I was pretty sick up until Saturday, after that my senora had me keep taking the pills she had (miracle workers those) through Monday. Despite this we went out to celebrate Saturday night at a bar (the same one where we go to study). First we got kicked out of the couch area and then off the table where they put us after they kicked us off the couches, so we left. Monday my senora, Salud, bought some sweets for dinner to celebrate. My roommate got me a pair of Boots (totally unexpected and totally appreciated. they're black and kinda felty material) Kristen and Cyndi both got me earings (a purple pair and an orange pair). I really wasn't expecting presents and I really appreciated their thoughfulness. That was pretty much it for my Birthday. I had to go to the Convent that night to help with the elderly. They love us over there and they have us sing for they now. Mostly Silent Night (the first time they heard me and megean sing they made us sing Silent Night 4 times), we also sing hymns. Unfotunately they don't really relate to or understand the hymns because they're all Catholics and we sing protestant hymns but they get the gist I think. I didn't tell anyone that it was my birthday, I don't like being sung to, but I did tell the dishwasher/cook Loli, and made her promise not to tell anyone. She broke thar promise, but thankfully it was just 5 of us left in the Comedor when she broke the news to the nice old people, who then sang to me. It was really sweet. So that's how my 21st birthday passed. Already it seems like it never happened or that it's super far away.

Sick in Spain

So I've spent the last few days in and out of a fever. Well I've been out of it today, but yesterday I was pretty sick. My throat started hurting on Thursday morning, then by literature class at 11:45 I was already feeling under the weather, by the time I got home for dinner I had a fever and though I tried to sleep I couldn't but I had to go to class so I did. and when I came back Thursday night I was pretty sick and all Thursday night I was in a fever, I didn't sleep at all, and Friday morning I woke up or more didn't have to wake up because I didn't sleep, but around 7:30 I decided I was going to continue sleeping, or attempting to sleep, because My throat was severly swollen and I had a horrible headache and I had a fever of abour 101. it broke finally later that night. and today I just have a sore throat. All of this is thanks to Salud!